The Elephant in the Room
Posted on July 24, 2008
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I keep thinking that I want to write, that I have things I need to say, want to say, etcetera, etcetera. Things such as the absolute irritation that is last.fm or the joy of pandora.com or Jen’s visit this weekend or Hayley’s upcoming trip to Hawaii this Saturday or the dress I’ve almost finished for Ruby or the way I feel so much better these days - MRSA free and proud to be…
Yet I can’t. Write, that is. Because everything I want to say, everything I want to speak of, it is on the other side of that elephant. I don’t want to write about the way he’s been hovering right behind my eyes the last few weeks, how I feel fabulous yet miss him more than ever, how I know he’s gone and it seems more surreal than it did in April, how I really don’t *feel* that he is dead, how I am remembering last year in La Grande, how I wonder about Heidi and that tattoo she got, how I wonder if anyone will ever know me that way, how I love that I don’t cry, but hate the way my brain goes on and on and on, how I don’t think this is wallowing - I think this is no different than watching a movie you love even though it makes you cry - is that wallowing? No, that’s just a movie you love…
So yeah. My words seem to be a wee bit tangled around his feet.
And now that I’ve said that…
I had a lovely afternoon swimming with the girls at Anna’s. Just lovely. I’m warm, a bit pink, a bit sleepy, and a bit heavy - the way one feels after a little sun while splashing about. Sigh.
Stockholm Syndrome
Posted on July 22, 2008
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I’m tired of aching, summer’s what you make it
But I’ll believe what I want to believe
Just a quick heads up for those that think I’m utterly morose because of my blog titles and such - sigh. I listen to music All The Stinkin’ Time when I’m working and generally just pull whatever I am listening to as the title. Kinda fun actually, and, dare I say - a rather nifty way to get words flowing - or is it the music that gets the words flowing? Reminds me of Barry Grimes and sestinas in 10th grade….
Words are just tools. Color, light and paint…smeared about. I look at words written and see the big picture - Impressionist Writing. Hmm…wonder if there is such a thing. As always, I seriously digress…
I’ve been wearing his ring, on my right hand. Not to be locked in the past, but to remember the beautiful stuff. I do love that I can think of him now. It’s that simple. I can just think about him. And I don’t start crying - well, not all the time…
I just feel an immense love.
Stockholm Syndrome by Yo Lo Tengo. He sent me the song August 2006 when I was in a less than optimal domestic situation. He was subtle like that. Not. 
When in Doubt, Shake it Up
Posted on July 10, 2008
Filed Under Word Press | 2 Comments
Mamma Mia! And I am NOT talking about the much-anticipated ABBA-esque movie - in a theatre near you soon!
Nah, I’m talking about my Lil’ Friend - MRSA. He’s hanging out under my arm (yes, the ARMPIT), making me not so very comfy and just a teeny, weeny bit crabby. Ha!
So I’ve been kinda incapacitated. But lucky me - the comfiest position is sitting up with my arm propped on a pillow so I can still click. Thank the heavens above….
My head is too fuzzy to design - I have to think too hard - but for some reason I was able to easily whip up a new site design and structure. I’m using Word Press for the entire site (except the gallery/forums/store) and, in theory, that should make things easier - or at the very least - more consistent. I’m pretty excited about it and am having tons of fun wandering the world Word Press plug-ins.
keep looking »
